Sunday, May 8, 2016

Dear Leonardo Eaven Inman - A Letter to My Rainbow Baby on Mother's Day

Ten and a half months ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Leonardo Eaven Inman (we call him Leo). If you have been following my writing, you would know Leo's middle name, Eaven, is in honor of his big sister, Ezraela Eaven, who is waiting for us in heaven. The last two and a half years since we lost her have been some of the most challenging years of my life. This is the first Mother's Day since I lost Ezraela that I can find a deep joy in my children. All of my children. Each of their lives, no matter how long or so very short, had meaning and value. And they will all three be forever engraved on my heart. 


Dear Leonardo Eaven Inman - A Letter to My Rainbow Baby
Written on January 20, 2016


As I rock you gently tonight, holding you closely, watching your chest rise up and down as you breathe, I cannot help but think of her, my sweet boy. Your precious closed eyes and long lashes as they graze your soft skin. I wonder what she would have looked like. Would she have looked just like you and your sister? Blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes or would she have broken the mold with the fiery red hair with many curls that I longed for? I watch your hands move in the air, almost as if you are conducting a baby symphony. I wonder what music you are hearing. How your head rests on me as if I were the only hope you have in the world. And I wonder would the night be filled with her giggles right now because she was not able to fall asleep or would I be wiping her nose from a winter cold, as I did yours throughout the day.

And I squeeze you tighter.

You have two sisters, sweet boy.

One that is full of life, ready to make you laugh and smile, ready to teach you all there is to know in this world and who loves you so very fiercely.






Another who's life was so short (in fact some wouldn't even call it a life at all). Who I imagine, would be as sweet as you are right now.

 

But she had to go. Because you had to live.

You, Leonardo, my courageous lion, had to live.


And you fill me with unending joy, a joy I would have never known had I not lost her. I would have not known to treasure these moments because they can be so fleeting.

She had to go so that you could live.

So that you could love.

Both of your sisters love you very much, my sweet rainbow baby. A rainbow is a promise from God that shows us hope and mercy and peace. And having you is exactly that: mercy, hope and peace. To hold you close. To know your sister, Ezraela Eaven, is not far off. And to know that sometimes the rain and those storms produce something beautiful. Oh my boy, I am not talking about myself. There is so much left to be done in me. I am talking about you, my Leonardo Eaven Inman, my rainbow and my light.

Thank you, Lord, for this light. You always know exactly what I need even before I ask.

Alexandria Kathleen Inman
Me, almost 18 weeks pregnant with Ezraela Eaven Inman
Leonardo Eaven Inman

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