Now My Life Can Begin
It all started with a positive pregnancy test after 2 ½ years of trying. It was a week before we were supposed start adoption classes. My pregnancy was anything but ordinary due to a chronic, painful medical condition called interstitial cystitis. The pregnancy part ended with having a c-section because Alexandria was breeched. No one ever tells you about c-section recovery, but I am telling you it sucks. Big time. It took a lot longer and was a lot more painful than I thought it would be. I remember a mom I knew telling me that I would be bored the first six months of Alexandria’s life. Boredom was definitely not in the cards for me. I had a baby who was colicky and had reflux. She slept in a swing while swaddled the first three months of her life. The only way I could get her to take naps was to hold her while she slept. I had to do this for eight to nine months. I also had to hold her before she went to bed so she could fall asleep. The entire time I was thinking “I am a failure”, “I am not doing anything I said I would be doing” without realizing I was doing the most important thing in the world, raising an amazing little girl.
When I finally got my life back, so to speak, I jumped in with both feet. I was ready to get wet. In January 2012 I began to start an art community with a friend at church. The response has been amazing. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would ever do live paintings in front of the church while the pastor was preaching, but I have done this four times in the past four months. We are having our first art show with 13 participants this month. I also started a study on the book of Joshua in my mom’s group at church which I both wrote and led. I am encouraged and supported by an amazing group of women. I owe a lot of my sanity as a new mom to them. I have begun working on my novels again. One of my friends, a former journalist for the Courier Journal, edited my two finished novels. I am looking forward to spending the summer doing my final editing and sending the books out to publishers.
The funny thing is that I finally feel like I am able to “start my life” so to speak, but in the back of my mind while I’m doing all of these things all I can think about is that sweet baby girl sleeping in her crib. It’s times like these I realize my life really began almost 11 ½ months ago on May 20, 2012 when I held that red faced, smashed nosed, wriggling baby in my arms. My life will never be the same. And I don’t want it to be. And that’s completely unexpected.