Thankful for Pink: Thanksgiving Through the Eyes of a Child

Thankful for Pink
I have done a lot of reflecting over the past 11 months.  I have done a lot of grieving and a lot of changing (whether intentional or unintentional, for better or worse).  If there is one thing I have been trying to learn, and trying to learn to do well, it is to be thankful.  I haven't been perfect at it and in some ways I haven't even been trying, but it is an unexpected flood that has come out of the pain that this last year has brought me.  There have been moments that I would have normally let pass, as if they were vapors, that I now know to tuck deep down into my soul, in hopes they would nourish every part of me.  Moments that I hope to remember for the rest of my life.  Moments that would mold me into the human I am to become.  

This time last year I was 14 weeks pregnant.  I was tired and nauseous.  I had a two and a half year old and she was pressing every button ever known to man (and some unknown buttons).  I had no idea how to sit back and really enjoy the little girl that I had given birth to.  

And then the 14 week pregnancy turned to 18 weeks and that baby was no more.  

Time for me stopped.

In the months that have followed I have watched my now 3 1/2 year old daughter grow.  She talks now, in complete sentences.  She can bring me shampoo or a towel from the other room if I forgot to bring it into the shower with me.  And in those really urgent moments, she can bring me toilet paper. She know's her ABC's and is learning to write the alphabet.  She says words like "actually" and phrases like "Sorry mom, it was an accident."  
Louisville Zoo
Time moves quick and I realize that now.  I also realize how precious each second is with your child, because you never know how long you will actually have.  Granted, there are many days and even weeks that I want to pull my hair out, but it is later when I realize what a special gift this little girl is.  In the moments of watching her try to write her name (she always wants to put an F in it and about 20 A's), having her give me a thousand kisses, or snuggle right next to me after she has come into our room in the middle of the night (which has become a regular thing), my heart bursts and I wonder how I ever got so lucky.  

Which brings me to last night, Thanksgiving Eve.  Because it was my "Friday" (my husband was off today and tomorrow) I knew I could stay up super late without any worry of having to get up the next day.  By the time 12:00 rolled around, I heard the pitter patter of little feet in the hallway.  A few short weeks ago, I moaned and complained that our daughter had taken to sleeping in our bed every night, but lately it has made me feel more comforted and less lonely.  (Which has helped me to understand her need.)  

So, I smiled at her and she grinned, while hopping up into bed next to me.  She doesn't always voluntarily snuggle with me, but last night she cuddled up and put her head on my shoulder.  Dada wasn't in bed yet, so we giggled and said extremely silly things until he joined us.  
Snuggle Time.
One thing I have come to treasure is the little conversations that we have before we fall asleep. Earlier in the day I was teaching her what it meant to be thankful to God.  I told her it was like being really, really happy about something and thanking him for it.  So, that night I asked her what she was thankful for.  In her cute little, excited voice she said, "I'm thankful for Mama and Dada and...pink!"  (And if you're wondering, she was not talking about the singer.)  I was relieved I had made the cut.  

The world is so simple to children.  They love what makes them happy and they are happy when they see something they love.  Alexandria's favorite thing right now is pink, so she is thankful for that.  Next week it may be purple or blue, but there will be something that always makes her that happy.  

Children can only see the moments right in front of them.  They only see to their right, to their left and straight ahead.  They don't worry, because what is there to worry about? They may throw a tantrum, but 30 seconds later start giggling about a silly joke you tell them.  They cherish each moment, so much so they want you to read a story 10 times before they have had their fill.  They are delighted by the simple.  Thankful for the awe and wonder.  

So, tonight I am thankful.  Deep in my soul I am thankful.  I am thankful for the memory of cuddling with my daughter and the light and joy she gave me, when I might have been prone to worry or wallow silently in grief.  I can only hope that her energy and excitement, might help me to step back and be thankful for the seemingly mundane and the seemingly simple.  Be thankful for those moments that only last but a second.  Those moments, if you look close enough, that could change your life forever.  Be thankful for pink.  
Bonding Time at the Louisville Zoo
Thanksgiving 2014
Thanksgiving 2014

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