Worry Less and Love More: Reflections on the Past Year and Resolutions for the Future Year

 

As I reflect on the past year there are two things that have been glaringly lacking in my life:  Love and trust.  The people around me may not know it, but I can tell you that my cat and daughter definitely feel it.  Don’t get me wrong, I have accomplished much this past year.  I have raised a child who is now 19 months old and alive!  She is pretty darn smart (although I am pretty convinced she gets that from her father) and the cutest little girl I have ever seen, if I say so myself.  I have co-coordinated an art show and craft show at my church.  Both events brought people into our community that would have normally not set foot inside a church building.  I have started a neighborhood watch program where I live and as a result I have networked and built friendships with people I would have otherwise never come into contact with.  Crime has also reduced in our neighborhood.  In addition I have made so many amazing friends that I do not know how I lived without before I met them and reconnected with old friends and family that I took for granted for so many years. 

All of these things I have done in love, but there are so many times when I feel like I have come up empty.  There was a snag in my plans or a bump in the road and I turned into a bitter, anti-social biddy, judging others and as a result, losing perspective of what is important in life.  Eventually things turned around and I was able to execute what I sought out to accomplish, but the weight of the feelings I hid from everyone else (sometimes not so well) bore down on me heavily.  It shames me to admit this, but I remember being so frustrated and upset after spending hours and hours working on items for a craft show because I did not selling one thing.  I cried like a baby the entire way home.  I told God I knew the night wasn’t about me selling things, but that it really sucked that I didn’t.  It turned out he had other plans in mind because the very next evening I sold one of my handmade owl to a new friend. 

My mantra for this year has been, “It’s not about you.”  All in all I think I have done a good job of reminding myself that it is indeed, not about me.  I just wish that I could throw away those selfish feelings all together so I no longer needed a reminder.  This year my resolution still remains, “Live a life that is not about you,” because I’m not sure I will ever fully live up to that lofty goal, but I add to it, “Worry less and love more.”  There are so many times because I have been selfish that I have missed simply enjoying life.  I have bogged myself down with worry so much that I have forgotten to love the little girl sitting right next to me, starving for my attention or making a visit to an elderly neighbor who is in need of good company.  I am no Mother Theresa, but I pray at the end of my life I will be greeted with the words, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”  This year, as I stagger on, I hope that I will become one step closer. 

(And I do hope to blog more, but you know how that normally goes.)